Wow, two months already. Looking back it went quickly....but oh man, some of those hours seemed like they would never end. It's been a hard two months to say the LEAST!!! Andrew and I have out used the phrase--"It's a good thing he's cute or (insert some ridiculous action here)." It's a good thing I don't journal when I'm in the thick of it sometimes, or I'm afraid I wouldn't sound very grateful or optimistic. Luckily things are going much better now, so this post won't be quite so negative.
Let me just say to future older Max, "We love you very much!! Despite all the struggles I am going to talk about, we are very grateful for you! And you have only helped your Dad and I learn things about ourselves, our weaknesses and our strengths. Thank you for that. That being said...you've given us a very hard time these last two months. If you have no younger siblings that may be why. lol just kidding buddy. kind of. ;)"
He cried alll the time it seemed. Especially at night. Which I think was just purple crying. But almost every night from about 7-10 he would just scream, and sometimes it wouldn't matter what we were doing rocking him, singing, etc he would not stop. He wouldn't even nurse for comfort. Just screamed. It can be a very frazzling thing to have someone screaming at the top of their lungs into your ear. And for no "logical" reason it would seem, with diaper changed, fed, swaddled, unswaddled, binky, no binky. Just screaming.
I figured he MUST be sick or something. He was having a very hard time nursing. Those first weeks he spit up quite a bit. He would only nurse for 8 minutes ONE side TOPS, so my milk supply was freaking out. Because Boston gladly ate for 20 minutes on a side, so this was much different. I was really worried about it too. I would try and burp him and then offer him more, or the other side, and he just would NOT latch on. He would gag. And if he did take a little more he would end up spitting it all up from over feed I guess. When I took him in to the Pedi. for his check up he was gaining weight just fine. He was over 8.5lbs at 2 weeks. so I stopped freaking out. And despite what all the nurses and doc were telling me I did not pump the excess, of the breast he was feeding on, and then pump the other side for stimulation. I know that my body does not struggle with milk supply. And had I done that my body would have thought that Max was eating that much every time. And as it was my let down was drowning him!! So I needed my milk to balance it out. I knew it would take time. So when I got very engorged I only pumped or expressed a LITTLE for relief. And also did lots of massage so that I would not get clogged ducts. Sure enough within a few weeks my milk balanced out, and only made enough for what Max would need. and I have learned that 6-10 minutes on one side is all Max needs for now. Or at least all he can handle.
He has a white tongue, so I determined he must have thrush/yeast in his mouth and that's why he wasn't eating right. I immediately took him into our family physician/chiropractor and got him on some herbal supplements for candida and fungus, and started giving him a really good pro biotic (30 Billion) which I recommend giving to babies when they are born no matter what, to strengthen their gut, and avoid getting yeast. Yeast is a Beast!! Ugh I hate it. It's very hard to get rid of. And it spreads back and forth between mom and baby. After a week and a half of treating that with no major improvement and lots more crying, I took him into the Pediatrician, who said that white tongue is normal in babies and if he had thrush it would be on his cheeks and lips, which it wasn't. I still think he had some yeast, but at least it didn't get worse. After I told Dr. V Maxton's symptoms (spitting up, waking up right after he finally falls asleep, crying while nursing, screeching in his sleep etc) He determined he had reflux. Poor thing. I have been going through the same thing worse than ever before so I felt his pain. He prescribed Zantac, and hopefully we will only have to use it for a few months until he grows out of it. I have no intention in using it long term. But man has it made a difference!!! That and propping him up after feedings and while he sleeps!! He is a different baby!!! Still very fussy a lot, but so much less. I only feel bad that it took so long to figure it out and get him some relief. But I can't be too hard on myself. I was always just trying my best.
In those early weeks with his spit up, choking, and throwing up what seemed to be entire feedings... I sure had to face some fears of mine head on. I have been terrified of throwing up. I can't say I'm over it. But with the Lord's help, and lots of prayers to change my beliefs about why I am so afraid of it, I am doing much better. I can handle it more calmly and just help Max through it. Luckily he grew out of that by about 4 weeks or so but it was a long 4 weeks. Boston seriously never spit up, so it was very new to me.
Having 2 kids is hard!!! What a change!! Especially when I'm on my own sometimes I'm just like wow... I can barely handle this. But somehow I always do. It's not always in the BEST way possible, cause I know I'm still immature and need to have more patience. But I am trying. And it's a good thing Boston is such a good, sweet, obedient boy. Sure he has his moments, but I couldn't ask for a better little buddy or helper. He naps great, and is fine just entertaining himself when I am busy with Max. Often just quietly "reading" books, or playing with his stuffed animals. He has digressed a little bit though, the potty training is kind of on hold, because it was more of a battle than anything, and I didn't want it to become a negative thing. We will probably start back up with that in the new year. He also wants his binky more often, which I gave into for the first week or two that Max was home, but I refused to let it become a habit. He is too old to be walking around 24/7 with it in his mouth, so I got him back on track with just leaving it in his bed when he wakes up. Sure there was some initial fussing about leaving it behind, but Andrew and I always let him know we are in charge, and what we say goes regardless of him putting up a fight. We just calmly explain to him why he can't do certain things, and if he wants to cry about it for a minute that's fine, but we don't entertain it. Now we make it fun and have him dramatically THROW the binky onto his bed when we get him up and wave good bye to it. ha ha
I have also had some post partum depression with this one, so that has made everything that much more of a struggle. I didn't have that at all with Boston, so again very new to me. I think a big step is admitting that I did in fact have it. And not be embarrassed about it, because it is normal. And talking to others about it has helped tremendously. Luckily lots of support from family and friends has made all the difference in getting through the really hard days. I really think a huge reason the Lord has sent me this trial is so that I will have more compassion and be less judgmental towards others struggling with the same thing, or even other things. Because it is hard to relate with other until you have struggled yourself. At least for me. I hate that I am that way, but it's true. now I have so much sympathy and love for people that struggle with depression, breast feeding, or even not really liking their babies at first. I always loved Max, but with the depression and then having a baby that was so fussy, I honestly didn't really LIKE him until about six weeks old. As sad as that is, it's true. And I'm just glad it happened that quickly for me. I've heard it can take 6 months even. But luckily at about 6 weeks things started looking up, and he started smiling (thank the Lord! Because you wait a long time for any positive feedback to come from your baby, and those first smiles are PRECIOUS!!!)and I actually started being able to connect with him in a positive way!!!! :)
My favorite thing to do with him is bath time. There aren't many times that we have just the two of us, so at least once a week while Boston is napping, I'll fill up the bath tub and we take a fun, long bath together. He LOVES the water, and smiles, and kicks his legs like a little frog off of my stomach and I hold him and make him swim around. It's so fun! He's so cute in the water, and in his bath towel.
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| First bath with his brother Bos! |
Another thing that has been very different than with Boston is trying to get Maxton on a schedule. I followed baby wise with Boston and it worked very well. He slept like an angel for the most part. With Max's reflux it has made it a lot harder. And he went through a miserable two weeks where he only slept TWENTY MINUTES!! And then he was up!!! It was awful!! What can you even get done in twenty minutes?? Nothing. barely a shower. ugh... but ever since our neighbor brought us this fabulous little pop up bed he has been sleeping SOOOO much better. It keeps him propped up for his reflux, and holds him nice and snug. Thank you Mandi Burton!! :)
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| First night home..somehow both the boys ended up in bed with us. lol |
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| Boston is seriously the best big brother ever. He has endless amounts of kisses and hugs for Max. |
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| Of course one of the first nights home Boston shared his balls with Max. Which is saying a lot. They are Boston's favorite possession for sure. He can't wait until they can play catch together. Until then we have to watch out for Max, or he gets hit in the face. lol |
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| Little Angel.... little do you know from this pic, but he had pretty much kept me up all night... little stinker too sometimes. The bottom pic seemed like he was saying "No pictures mom!" |
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| FIRST double melt down.... Andrew and I just looked at each other and started laughing. One was screaming for food, the other was screaming for more playtime. |
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| 2 weeks! Already up almost a pound! |
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| Meeting his cousin Victoria (born just a over a week apart!) for the FIRST time! |
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| Proud Daddys! |
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| Meeting cousin Daphne for the first time was fun too! She was a little too busy to hold him for longer than .5 seconds though. ;) |
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| kind of a bed hog. lol |
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| See that fist? It was like he was threatening me not to leave the room. Cause the second I did every time, he'd wake up! |
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I don't know what I would do without Andrew's help. He's so patient, and such a great Dad!
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| I sure love these monkey boys!! |
The light on the horizon really has been these smiles! And they are getting bigger by the day! Almost every time I go up to him he has a big ol' smile for me, and I absolutely LOVE it. Melts my heart! I know things are just going to be on the up and up now! Yay for being past those hard days! :)
2 month photo shoot!! He's sure handsome!!
Boston got pretty jealous of him hogging the football...so he had to be in the pictures as well. :)
Love you and your boys!
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